Now Or Never
by EmilyHalpert
Summary: Pre “The Job”… actually, pre a lot of stuff. Set sometime in Season Three, I guess.Pam decides to take matters into her own hands.
1. New Trust

A/N: 

So, this got deleted somehow on my computer, before I posted it. So, now it's kind of old and not really relevant. I guess it could be a post "Beach Games" pre "The Job." But I wrote it long before that…Anyways, I rescued it from my recycle bin, and it was betaed by **Miss Daisy**, and so I decided to post it.

I don't own anything

* * *

It was finally comfortable with Pam again. Not their friendship of years past, but a step up from the tension filled months following the merger. Slowly, Jim had come to move past his feelings with Pam and focus on Karen. Karen, in turn, had stopped being so jealous every time Jim smiled at Pam. Life was better for both of them as they adjusted to this new trust in their relationship. 

For Pam, it wasn't as easy. She was so happy, so sure of change, the first time Jim visited for jellybeans. That night, she had stopped off at the store to get a giant bag of Jelly bellies – the first new bag she had bought in months. Yet, as the week went on, although Jim still came for jellybeans, he still went home with Karen. The change wasn't as different as she had wanted. Still, she relished the fact that she could talk to Jim again, if only as a friend. He was always interested in hearing about her art classes, and even attended her second show with Karen.

This Friday, however, Pam woke up knowing something needed to change. It was just the next step. Step one was to get back her friend. Step two was to let him know that she wanted more than that also. Even as she realized this, she thought it was stupid. She was finally happy with her life, and Jim was happy in his. Why rock the boat?

Work was normal that day. Jim visited around noon, and took two jellybeans, "So, Beesly, what're your plans for the weekend?"

"Going to visit my mom. Just a relaxing weekend at home."

"Meaning, let mommy do all the cooking and cleaning?" Jim asked playfully.

"That's the best part of going home, isn't it?"

"Exactly. I bring all my laundry home every weekend."

Pam smiled as Jim walks back to his desk. Everything was great the way it was… no need to disrupt the balance they struck.

Karen left work early, going shopping for a romantic evening with Jim. Since it was Friday, most of the other workers left a bit early also. Michael had left with a big smile on his face shortly after Jan had called.

Pam was almost ready to leave as Jim started to pack up. "Hey, Jim?" she asked, hesitation in her voice.

"Yeah?"

Pam walked towards him, the courage from that morning returning. "Just, one thing before I leave…" Pam wrapped her arms around his neck, lowering his head to hers. After taking a deep breath, Pam kissed him with everything she had been holding back that past year.

When the kiss ended, what seemed like minutes later, Pam just turned and walked out of the office, without looking back.

Jim could only stare in amazement as the door swung shut.

* * *

Chapter End Notes: 

I am thinking about continuing this… but not sure. Depends on if I get more inspiration for this story.


	2. Aftershock

A/N: So, thanks to everyone who wanted me to continue (and the burst of inspiration that made this possible)… the next chapter. (oh, and I still am working on my other WiPs, don't worry.)

Thanks to **WildBerryJam** for the beta and for making me smile and giggle like a little girl. And for googling Pepto-Bismol. Because that is just awesome.

* * *

Jim stared after Pam; unable to process what just happened. Pam kissed him. Pam _kissed_ him. How the hell did that happen? And more importantly, why didn't he grab her, and stop her from leaving. Anything except just standing there like an idiot.

"Nice." Kevin said.

That broke Jim's trance on the door. He put his last things in his messenger bag, and left, still in a bit of shock.

He drove home on autopilot. He wasn't sure how he got there, but all too quickly, he pulled up in front of his house.

"Karen?" he asked, surprised when she opened the door.

"Hey silly. Did you forget we had plans tonight? You're late."

"Oh… um, yeah, sorry. Got caught up at the office, you know, Michael," Jim fumbled around for words, hoping she bought it.

"Oh, god, yeah. What did he do this time? Decide everyone needed to be lectured about summer clothing?"

"Low cut as possible for the females," Jim quipped. What was he thinking about Pam for? It was easy and fun with Karen. He should just push Pam out of his mind and enjoy the evening.

"God, how did you ever stand it there? I mean, now you've got me, but…" Karen cut herself off, knowing what was next. "Anyways, hurry up. I've kept the Risotto warm and the wine chilled, so…" Karen lets her voice trail off, noticing the strange look in Jim's eyes. "Are you okay?"

"Oh yeah. Sorry. Just let me get changed and then I'll be down for dinner, it sounds great." Yeah, this was the right choice, staying with Karen, he decided. He ran upstairs and got out of his work clothes and into something more appropriate for dinner. When he got back downstairs, Karen had set the table, and was lighting candles.

"Hey, glad you're down. Turn off the lights okay? Really set the mood."

Jim flicked the switch off, and sat down at the table. "Wow, this looks great. What is all this for? I didn't forget something did I?"

"No… I figure it was a long week, and we deserved a treat. After dinner, we can drive down to the Poconos. I know it was a little presumptuous, but I booked a room at Caesars Cove, a nice little romantic getaway. Jim?" She asked, looking for a reaction.

Jim's mind was in overdrive. The Poconos. Pam. Kissing Pam, Pam kissing him. Going there with Karen. "Um…" he mumbles, suddenly feeling sick.

"Are you okay?" Karen goes towards him, concerned.

"Actually, I'm feeling kind of sick. I'm sorry about your plans. I just…" Jim jumped up from the table, running towards the bathroom.

"Jim?" Karen followed, knocking at the bathroom door. "Can I get you anything? Pepto-Bismol? Aspirin? Let's get you to bed, maybe you will feel better in the morning. No rush on tonight."

Jim comes out, looking green. "No, I think we should just cancel. I'm so sorry. Must have been something I ate."

"Okay, no big deal. I mean, you feeling better – that's what's important. We can reschedule. Let's get you into bed."

"No!" Jim said, a bit to forcefully. "I don't want you to get sick also. I mean, who knows what this is. I'll be fine. I'll just call you in the morning, okay?"

Karen nodded, a bit hurt. "Sure, call me if you need anything okay. I'm just down the street." She kisses him on the cheek and left.

Jim knew the only thing that could help him now was calling Pam. He dug out his cell phone and dialed her number.

* * *

Chapter End Notes:

Hopefully this is a good continuation. Leave thoughts or whatever.

Thanks!


	3. Messages

Messages

A/N: A thousand, million thanks to **WildBerryJam** as always. A short chapter, next is longer. Should be posted today or tomorrow even.

Oh, and to remember: Pam is at her mom's for the weekend :).

* * *

As Jim dialed, he tried to think of what he would say. How the hell do you even respond to something like that? The phone started ringing, and Jim just pushed all thoughts out of his head... see what she would say first. Yep, definitely the better plan.

However, that plan went to hell when she didn't answer, and it went to voicemail.

Jim kept trying, calling over and over, not sure if she was just avoiding his call or busy. After the tenth call, he hung up, and turned off his phone. "Good one, now you've convinced her you are a stalker." He turned on the TV, trying to distract himself.

Thirty minutes later, he was back on the phone. It still went straight to voicemail. Now he was convinced she was avoiding his calls.

"Hey, this is Pam. Leave a message at the beep." Pam's voice sounded over the phone. Normally, just that message would make his heart skip a beat, but right now, it made his blood boil. She wouldn't even give him the decency of answering her phone.

"God, Pam.… What the hell? You... you kissed me, and then just left. You didn't even say anything. What the hell! What were you expecting me to do? And now you won't even talk to me!" Jim could feel his anger rising as he talked. "You kiss me, you leave, and now avoiding my calls. Talk about mixed signals! God! Pam. What was I supposed to do?" Jim slammed his phone shut, and threw it across the room. It hit the wall with a resounding thud, and Jim just collapsed on the couch. "What the hell did I just do?"

Jim debated calling Pam back, and leaving an apology, but he didn't know what good it would do. It wasn't as if he could erase that message. In a way, he was glad he had said it… he just wished he was nicer about it.

As he lay there on the couch, he kept feeling guilty. He knew her mom lived two hours away; she probably was just getting there now. And the first thing she would hear was Jim yelling at her. He wasn't sure what he wanted, but he knew that that message was not the best start.

He called back, and again it went to voicemail. "God, Pam. I'm sorry. I was angry, I guess. I mean, I was – frustrated. Just… I don't know, okay. I'm sorry. Call me… maybe. I don't know. Have a good weekend. Yeah. Have a good weekend."

Jim turned on the TV, the volume loud, hoping to drown out the thoughts in his head. He stayed there for hours, only moving to grab a beer. As he was about to head to bed, his phone started to ring. 'Pam Cell' appeared on the screen. He hesitated, staring at his phone. Finally, right before it went to voicemail, he answered. "Hello?"

* * *

Chapter End Notes:

Hope everyone is still enjoying. I will say the original draft of this chapter had some weird Dwight moments in it (I swear, it made sense), but reworking it – much better.

So, I promise, next chapter they talk. Really. They do. And it will be up soon.


	4. Confrontation

A/N: They talk. A million thanks, as always, to **WildBerryJam**, without whom, this chapter would suck. Would have been up sooner, but I had an eleven year old steal my computer.

* * *

"Hello?" Jim's voice was scratchier than expected. Pam didn't even know why she called. She had heard him calling when she was driving. She wasn't going to answer. When she left, she told herself that – let this weekend be about relaxing, not about Jim. That kiss was to get it out of her system, and then she could just forget him. She didn't want to think about him at all. But then he called and left that message. Honestly, she didn't even know what to say when she heard that. It was a slap in the face. She had just turned her phone off then, deciding to stick to her original plan.

After she arrived at her mom's, she had a relaxing evening, just as she expected. Her mom had held dinner, and then they had watched a movie and stayed up talking. It wasn't until eleven that she even remembered Jim and his message. She found her phone and turned it on – one new message. After listening to both, she didn't know what to think.

She sat in her old room, as if her past would help her. She looked with new eyes over all her old possessions. There was the photograph of her and Ms. Roman on graduation day – Ms. Roman was her art teacher, and was more of a friend than a teacher to Pam. There were trophies from the one or two years she had played soccer. There was her old bookshelf, littered with books such as _Little Women_ and _Are You There God, It's Me Margaret?_ Last summer, she had removed most of the pictures with Roy, leaving bare spots on her walls and dressers. Somehow, these bare spots were what gave her the courage to call.

It wasn't until he answered that she remembered what time it was. "Oh, crap. Sorry, it's late. Did I wake you? I mean, I'll just call back – "

"No. I was awake. I'm glad you called," his voice back to normal.

"Sorry." They both said at the same time.

"Jinx," Pam said weakly. "Kind of hard for you to buy me a coke though. So… I guess not."

"Good. 'Cause a… it would be hard doing this without talking."

"Yeah."

They both pause, neither sure what to say. Finally Jim speaks up. "So, how's you mom?"

"Good. Good. Yeah, we watched _Pan's Labyrinth_."

"Oh, is it good?"

"Yeah."

The conversation dies again, neither of them wanting to start on the real reason they called. Jim took the lead again. "So… you kissed me?" It came out more as a question than a statement.

"Yeah, sorry about that. Just…" Pam couldn't get any coherent thoughts together, and finally, the words just tumbled out of her, unable to stop. "I couldn't stand it. We were finally friends, but there was Karen. And that's fine. But, I hated seeing you together. I hated it, because I kept thinking it should be me. It should be me who got to hold you hand and steal kisses at work. It should be us going out to dinner. God, I was even jealous last month when you went out on a sales call together. It shouldn't be her. It should be me. I mean, seriously Jim, you didn't give me a chance. You came back with her. It took us nearly a _year_ to regain our friendship. A _year_!" Pam didn't know how she had said so much. "So much for ignoring Jim", she thought.

"Didn't give you a chance? Pam, I waited for your call… I waited for any sign that you had feelings for me! Anything! I left because I couldn't stand to see you every day. And then, you call off the wedding and don't let me know. I find out from Kevin. From _Kevin_. He emailed letting me know I could 'hit that.'" Jim felt his blood boiling. "And then everything is finally normal again. I was happy with Karen! We were going to go to the Poconos this weekend. Yeah, that's what couples do, or don't you remember all your fun trips with Roy?"

"Was?" Pam's voice was strong. "You _were_ happy with Karen?"

"Am!" Jim shouted. "I am! I don't know. You kiss me like that, and then leave! What was I supposed to do?"

"What was _I_ supposed to do Jim? You kissed me like that, and then never gave me any time to deal with it. When it looked like it wasn't going your way, you just left."

"You said you were still going to marry him!"

"So, I don't make decisions in two seconds – sorry!"  
"It sure seemed like you made your decision!"

"Ten years! You except one night to change ten years?"

"Pam, it wasn't just one night for me, it was four years. Four years of loving you. Four years of watching him ruin your life."

"Oh, if it was so obvious he was ruining my life, why didn't you say anything earlier? We were happy together. Okay, fine, we weren't perfect, but he wasn't ruining everything. You ruined everything. If it wasn't for you, we would be happy and – "

"And what Pam? Because you know what? You still kissed me then and you kissed me now. And this time, you left. _You_ didn't even give me time to speak! What the hell was I supposed to do?"

"Stop me," Pam's voice broke, tears spilled down her cheeks. She quickly hung up the phone, unwilling to deal with Jim's response. Pam's mom knocked at her door, hearing the screaming from down the hall. She sat down with Pam, and tried to comfort her daughter.

Jim threw the phone in disgust against the wall. It's only then that he notices a figure in the door. Karen. "I came to see how you were feeling," she whispered.

* * *

Chapter End Notes:

I realize Jim must have a super phone since it survives being thrown against the wall.

I really hope this seemed like a realistic argument. I went back and forth on it a bit, trying to figure out what they would say and stuff. So, yeah, hopefully it came across as realistic, and sounds like them.

As always, I like reviews and feedback.


	5. Dare You To Move

Dare You To Move

A/N: Title is taken from Switchfoot song, which really has nothing to do with anything. Sorry it took so long for this chapter, as I had the worst case of writer's block and then this thing called real life started rearing its ugly head. And then I actually wanted it to be good, so that added some time.

A thousand, million thanks to **WildBerryJam**, because without her, well, trust me, this would have been worse. A lot worse.

* * *

Jim and Karen stood still, both staring at each other, as if daring the other to move.

"Karen… that wasn't… well, maybe it was…" Jim started.

"You weren't answering your phone." Karen stated, trying to ignore the obvious. "I was worried, so I figured I would just slip in, make sure you were alright."

"Oh. Thanks. Yeah, I'm okay."

"You weren't ever sick, were you?"

It seemed strange to Jim how quiet this conversation was. He had just gone from a screaming match with Pam to nearly whispering with Karen. "No," he replied. Karen had heard the conversation; it wasn't worth the lie.

"Now what?" Karen was staring at Jim, but he wasn't able to look her in the eye. He kept staring at the ground, as if hoping that would give him the answers.

"I don't know."

"Do you love me?" Jim didn't answer. Hoping that meant he did, she continued. "And… do you still love her?" This time, Jim nodded his head, and then fell again to his couch. "Yes. I mean, no. I don't know. It's complicated, okay."

Karen came inside, and stood near the couch, unsure if she should sit.

"She kissed me."

Karen took this as an invitation to sit. "I heard."

"Just… God! It's so confusing!" Jim exclaimed, and hung his head. "I swear I didn't plan on this."

"Honestly, Jim. How did you plan on this happening? What _is_ happening?"

"I don't know. I mean, I was happy with you. The Poconos… that would have been great."

"Except you decided to fake being sick instead of going to the Poconos."

"Karen, Pam kissed me. She _kissed_ me." Karen glared at Jim, that fact was already established and she didn't appreciate hearing it again. "I mean, I just needed time to think."

"No, you didn't," Karen said, as if this was obvious.

"What?"

"You didn't want time to think. You wanted to talk to her. You wanted to see if there was a chance. You _could_ have come to the Poconos. Forgotten about her kissing you. The Poconos would have been a perfect time to get over her, once and for all. Remember why _we_ are great together. You didn't fake sickness to think, you were faking so you could talk to her."

"So, are you saying I shouldn't give her a chance? Karen, I was in love with her for years. I can't just forget that."

"I don't expect you to just forget that. Just like I didn't expect you forget the past year of _our_ relationship. Which was an actual relationship, not just a crush. I understand you may always have feelings for her," Karen grimaced while saying that. "But, I don't understand why this kiss can just erase the past year." Jim scoffed. "What?"

"Just Pam." Karen sighed; she didn't think she wanted to hear this. "When I… before I went to Stamford… she said… I expected…"

"Jim."

"Just… it sounds like what Pam said." Karen was sure she didn't want to hear this. "She accused me of wanting to erase ten years with just one kiss."

"Hate to break it to you Jim, but you aren't _that_ good of a kisser." Karen gave a slight smile.

Jim smiled back, but only briefly as he continued. "The point is Karen, I just can't forget about her."

"I know," Karen sighed in realization.

"I just think I have to give it a chance." Karen quietly stood up and started walking to the door. "Karen?" She stopped, but didn't turn around. "I'm sorry. You have no idea how sorry I am." A tear rolled down her cheek, but she just continued walking out.

Jim watched the door close behind her.

* * *

Chapter End Notes: 

Hopefully this made sense. This chapter hated me. So now I kind of hate this chapter.

Thanks for reading and sticking with this story.


	6. Memories Of Love

A/N: Thanks for everyone who has reviewed, because you are so the reason that this story even exists, especially whenever it is being a pain.

A very special thanks to my beta, **WildBerryJam**, who puts up with me, reads my mind, and is just awesome.

Do you think anything's changed? I own nottin'. Meaning, don't sue.

* * *

When Pam awoke the next morning, the sun was already high in the sky. Her hair was matted, and her face was streaked with tears. She didn't remember much about the night before – at least not from after the fight. She remembered crying for what felt like hours, and telling her mom about the kiss and the argument. She tried to remember what all she had said, but everything she remembered was hazy, like it was just a bad dream. It certainly didn't feel like something she would do. The only way she knew it was real was seeing her phone, lying on the ground, forgotten there overnight.

Pam got up slowly. She remembered hanging up on Jim; did he try to call back? She took a deep breath and picked up the phone – it was off. Somehow, in the commotion, it must have gotten turned off. Pam quickly pressed the power button. She wasn't even sure if she wanted him to have called, but her heart sank when she saw she didn't have any new voicemails.

She left her phone on her dresser and went downstairs. Her dad was in the living room, reading. "Hey sweetie. Rough night?"

Pam just nodded, she wasn't sure she would be able to talk without crying again.

"It'll all be okay, Sprout."

Pam couldn't help but smile at her childhood nickname. "I know, daddy. It's just tough."

"Remember Nick? Your first love?

"Dad!"

"Seriously Sprout. You were madly in love with him. I mean, sure, you were only 14 at the time, but he was all you could talk about. Then one day he caught you sketching him. He told all his friends, and you were a social outcast for the day."

"Thanks for the memories dad, that really helps," Pam says sarcastically.

"Pam, listen. Remember what happened? You came home that night in tears. You said you never wanted to go back to school. But the next morning, you got up, and you faced your fears. You went to school. And nothing happened. They had all moved on to something else equally stupid like the giant zit on so and so's face."

"So you are saying that Jim won't remember any of this on Monday because Dwight has a giant zit?"

"No. I am saying it isn't going to be as bad as you think. It may feel like the end of the world right now, but who knows on Monday. It may not be easy, but you can get through it. You're a tough one, Sprout. And you _will_ get through this."

"Thanks, dad." Pam smiled as she left. She wasn't sure it was going to be as easy as her dad said, but, he was right, it wouldn't be the end of the world. At least, she hoped it wasn't.

Pam walked into the kitchen, trying to find something to soothe her grumbling stomach. Opening the fridge, she found some eggs and cheese, and decided to make an omelet. She tried to think of what she was going to do today. She wanted a distraction, to do anything expect think about Jim. She soon realized that maybe what she needed was no distractions – a place where she could think it through, be alone with her thoughts. It started when she was in high school – she would take long, meandering walks through her neighborhood, usually whenever she ad a rough day at school and just wanted some alone time. She would spend hours wandering around, thinking over the day, trying to figure out what went wrong and how she could avoid it. She wasn't sure if anything was ever solved in those walks, but it helped her survive until college.

After eating, she quickly changed into jeans and a hoodie. She yanked her hair up into a ponytail, not even bothering to brush it. She walked out, yelling to her dad that she was leaving. She heard her dad say something about rain, but paid no attention.

She walked along the familiar path, still the same even though years had passed since her last walk. As she walked, she thought through her problems. She talked to herself, working through what she would say, what he would say. There were a thousand possibilities running through her head, mixed with memories of Jim.

_She had expected something to happen that night, she just wasn't sure what. She spent hours on her hair and carefully chose her dress. She was having a great time. Then Jim happened. Not only did he tell her he loved her, he kissed her. He kissed her in a way that Roy never had, full of longing. She had said no, but wanted to say yes. She went home and cried. The next morning, she called in sick, not wanting to see Jim._

_She rubbed his back. Jealously filled Pam; in that one simple motion, Karen had had more physical contact with him than she ever would. She tried brushing it off as a simple, friendly gesture between two coworkers. But he had turned her down for coffee. It wasn't just a simple gesture; it was a relationship._

_The second kiss was different. There were butterflies in her stomach as she walked those last feet towards him. The look in his eyes, jovial and light, suddenly darkened as her arms wrapped around his neck. It wasn't fear; it was hope. At least, that is what she told herself as they kissed. It felt magical, it felt as if everything was finally right. When it ended, she walked out; she didn't want face reality. As the door closed behind her, her heart fell as she realized he wasn't coming after her. Maybe it wasn't hope after all._

The more she walked, the more depressed she got. She started realizing they were no more than memories, fleeting moments in time. Those seconds couldn't compare with Karen, who he had a relationship with. She realized how stupid she was for trying anything with Jim; he was happy with Karen, and who wouldn't choose Karen over her? The longer she walked, the more she degraded herself, thinking there was no hope with Jim and all she had done was screw up their fragile friendship. New scenarios filled her head – going from denial that the kiss ever happened to begging for forgiveness. How could she have ever thought Jim would leave the perfect Karen for her?

Pam hadn't realized how far she had walked until she felt the first raindrops. She was nearly two miles from home, and had no way to call to get a ride. Pam pulled up her hood and started jogging. She tried to remember shortcuts, but this far out, she couldn't quite remember what streets intersected with what.

By the time she entered her neighborhood, it was pouring. She walked slowly; depressed, lonely, and soaked to the bone. When she reached her street, all she could think of was getting a hot shower, and spending the rest of the day in pajamas, pigging out on ice cream.

Pam climbed her front steps, digging through her wet pockets to find her keys. Suddenly, the door opened in front of her. Pam glanced up, surprised. Her eyes widened. "Jim?"

* * *

Chapter End Notes:

Did I get a little cliché here? Do I really care?

Honestly, Pam's way of dealing with stuff is the only way I know how to deal with stuff. I swear, I just walk everywhere and anywhere when I am stressed. Hours can pass without me knowing. Which is a great way to lose weight. Not so much a great way to study.

Although I have been slow about updating this – I know I am going on a short vacation this weekend, and so won't be able to write much then. So, it may be a bit before I get an update. Unless I decide to spend all night scribbling on hotel paper or something.


	7. Once And For All

A/N:

Thanks to **WildBerryJam** for the multiple beta jobs.

I spent all my money on textbooks, not buying _The Office_. Don't sue unless you really want a chemistry textbook.

* * *

Pam stared at Jim. She didn't know what to think. She had just spent the past hour convincing herself to get over Jim once and for all, and now here he was, standing in her doorway.

"Pam?" Jim asked, as if surprised to see her. "Oh, crap, get out of the rain." Jim stepped aside to let her pass.

Pam suddenly remembered how wet she was. "Um, yeah." Pam stepped into her parents' house. "Jim?" she repeated, trying to figure out if this was some sort of dream.

"Yeah? Do you want to get changed? Get out of the wet clothes or anything? You're soaked. You could get sick or something." Pam looked at him strangely. He was the one who mysteriously showed up at her house, and he was talking about _that_?

"Okay…" Pam looked around, trying to see her parents. She noticed them sitting in the living room, just chatting away as if this was normal. She tried to catch her mom's eye, but no such luck. Pam sighed and continued on her way upstairs.

Pam took her time getting changed, mostly because she wasn't sure what would happen when she got back downstairs. What did it mean that he was here? It had to be a good sign, right? Someone wouldn't drive two hours just to break up? Not that they were even dating, Pam reminded herself. She tried to find some clothes to wear, but she felt so cold and wet that nothing looked right.

She knew it was stupid, but she decided to take a quick shower. Just get the cold off of her. Besides, if it was something good with Jim, she didn't want to feel gross when it was happening. She turned on the hot water full blast.

In the shower, Pam kept thinking about Jim and his unexpected appearance. Although hopeful at first, she quickly realized that it wasn't necessarily a good sign.

_What if he told Karen? He's got to be here to tell me that nothing can happen. He's with Karen, he's happy. He just wants to tell me to stop screwing up their relationship. Probably say something like he is transferring or something. Leaving the crazy lady behind. Just stick with the plan, say it doesn't matter. This weekend doesn't exist, it never happened. Go back to being just friends. I can't stand to think of losing him again. I've already lost him once; I can't go through that again. I can be happy for him and Karen, really. I just can't lose him again. _

The hot water ran out far too quickly. Pam at least felt better physically, even if her mind was still a mess.

Pam walked downstairs slowly. Jim was sitting with her parents, but Pam couldn't catch what they were talking about. As soon as Jim noticed her, he jumped up to meet her by the steps. "Hey," he whispered. He gently brushed a stray hair from her face.

"Jim…" Pam said, pleading. _Don't do that, Jim. Don't make it harder. I can't go through this again._ Pam wouldn't allow herself to get her hopes up; she couldn't. It had happened far too many times in the past, and it was always her heart that was crushed. She had made up her mind, and he was complicating it. "Can we talk?" She pushed his hand away from her face and led him to the back porch. The rain had since let up, and the sun was peeking through the clouds.

Her heart felt heavy as she started talking. "Jim, I don't know why I did that. You had something with Karen, and – "

"Pam – "

"No, let me… okay?" Pam could barely contain her tears. She didn't want anything to get in the way. This wasn't what she wanted to have happen, but she needed to protect herself. She couldn't stand another heartbreak. All her courage from the day before was gone; this was about protecting her heart. "We were in two different places, we never got that timing thing right, and I understand that. Karen's great, okay. She's nice, friendly, beautiful. It makes sense, really. It was stupid of me to try to change anything, and, well, I'm sorry. I really hope I didn't screw anything up with Karen, that wasn't the point or anything. Just sorry." Pam hung her head down; she wasn't able to look him in his face. It hurt too much.

She continued, her voice breaking. "Just, I don't think that this is right, can we just forget it happened? Just go into work on Monday and go back to being friends. Just erase this weekend? I know it's a lot to ask, but I can't lose you again. Please?"

Pam slowly looked up to face Jim, to see how he reacted to her speech. She expected to see pain, maybe anger. However, she didn't expect him to start _laughing_.


	8. Laughter

Oops. I wrote this, then kind of forgot to submit it (was having too much fun writing Names) 

I had a HUGE case of the giggles yesterday. I couldn't stop. My mom said I was scaring her. And then I giggled some more. Possibly where the inspiration came from.

**WildBerryJam** is amazing, etc.

Iway ownway othingnay.

So to refresh: Pam, in an effort to prevent more heartbreak, told Jim she didn't think they should be together, that he should have fun with Karen. And he started laughing… totally inappropriate dude.

* * *

Jim laughed. He knew it wasn't an appropriate response, especially considering the past twenty-four hours. But here he was, with the woman he loved telling him that she didn't want to be together, laughing. He could tell Pam was hurt by his reaction, but he just couldn't stop. Finally, he took a deep breath and spoke.

"Pam, do you have _any_ idea what I went through to get here?" Pam looked at him curiously, but did not speak. "The last twelve hours have been hell. And now, here I am, and you're telling me we have no future. You don't find that funny?"

"Um, not really." Pam just stared at him. The past twelve hours hadn't been a picnic for her either, and telling him that was one of the hardest things she ever had to do. And he reacted by laughing in her face.

"Pam, okay," Jim could see how hurt she was. Even though she'd rejected him (three times, not that he was counting), it still pained him to see her upset – especially when he caused it. "Listen. Karen overheard the conversation. She walked in while we were on the phone. And she said the exact same thing as you – that one kiss shouldn't change anything. It was just a kiss." Jim paused, and saw Pam's face breaking. "But Pam, it wasn't just a kiss. It wasn't just a kiss for me last year, and it wasn't just a kiss now."

Pam started to say something, but Jim cut her off. "I told her we were over. That I needed to give us a chance, no more 'what ifs.' I wanted to call, to tell you that. But it kept going to voicemail. I didn't want to leave another message." Jim silently thought about the other messages he left her recently. "I couldn't just say that over a message. But you weren't answering. So, here I am."

"How did you even get here?"

"Dwight."

"_What?_"  
"So after you weren't answering, I wasn't even able to sleep; I kept tossing and turning, imagining what would happen. I tried calling again, but again voicemail. Pam, seriously, leave your phone on! Anyways, it just got to me; I couldn't wait any longer before I talked to you. I looked everywhere, but you hadn't given me this address or phone number or anything. So, I called Dwight."

"Dwight knows my parents' address?"

"Greg and Susan Beesly. 8 Rosewood Drive, Harrisburg, Pennsylvania 17109. 717 – 582 – 9820."

"Why am I not surprised?"

"Exactly. So, I called Dwight. After he lectured me about relationships and how you treat women, he told me the address, and I was _finally_ able to leave. I almost turned back a thousand times. I doubted myself every step of the way. And for good reason I guess." Jim's voice got quiet. "I just, I felt I needed to tell you. I really thought we had something. I tried Pam, I really tried to get over you, but I could never be happy with Karen. I tried. But, if you want to forget it all, I will. We can pretend it never happened." Jim didn't feel like laughing anymore; his voice got low and cracked. "I guess I will see you Monday. Back to normal, friends, whatever. That's what best, I guess." Jim stood up, ready to leave. It was killing him inside. But Pam had spoken; she didn't want to be in a relationship. The kiss was just a fluke thing, a test. And it failed. He wasn't sure if he could take it again, knowing everyday that she rejected him once more. There was no Roy; this time it was only Pam.

Jim glanced at Pam one more time. She was standing there, not moving. She wasn't even facing him, just staring out to the yard. He turned and started to leave.

"Jim! Wait!" Jim stopped, but didn't turn around. His heart was racing. "Um, Jim. I kinda want to say this to your face; I've stared at your back long enough."

He slowly turned around as Pam continued, "Listen, I know what I said. But, do you think… um, do you think you could reconsider that whole forgetting thing. 'Cause I don't want to just forget it. I mean, I know what I said. But, I don't. I love you, I want to be together, I want … I want you."

Jim sighed, and started walking back to Pam. "Thank you."

"For what?"

"For stopping me."

* * *

Chapter End Notes:

I wrote this chapter before I wrote the last chapter. And I kind of also had a Mandy Moore song in my head while I wrote the last bit. And also a scene from _Friends_. What can I say?

This is the last chapter. There is an epilogue after this.


	9. Epliogue

A/N:

A million thanks to everyone who has read and reviewed this story. When I wrote this, I really thought that it would be a oneshot, and it is because of you that I continued.

I know sometimes it was a bit out of character…. I leave that for better writers than me. I tried. Haha.

For the last time, I don't own The Office; **WildBerryJam** is an amazing beta.

Sorry it took so long, I got really fustrated and didn't want to deal with it. A bit annoyed, oh well.

Anyways… short catch up – Pam kisses Jim, leaves. They argue over the phone. Jim and Karen break up. Jim drives to see Pam. They talk. And now…

* * *

The next Monday was awkward to say the least. Pam and Jim had decided to play down their relationship, especially until it all blew over with Karen.

Pam arrived first, and saw Karen glaring at her before she even sat down. "This is not going to be easy," she mumbled under her breath.

"Hey, Pam, who's a better kisser – Jim or Roy?" Kevin asked, giggling.

"Not important, Kevin," Pam replied. She was just grateful Michael hadn't overheard, or they would have never heard the end of it.

A few minutes later, Jim came in. As he took off his jacket, he quietly set something on the edge of Pam's desk. Pam looked at it curiously, but she didn't move to get it until Jim was in his seat. After a few seconds, she reached for it. It was a bag of chips, and a note was taped on front.

_Pam,_

_Good luck today. I love you._

_Jim._

For such a small gesture, it still made her smile. He was back. And now that he was, she would never lose him again. No matter how hard it might be, he was worth it.

Jim turned around from his desk and smiled, as if he knew what she was thinking.

"Yep, definitely worth it," Pam thought to herself, smiling.

* * *

Chapter End Notes:

That's it. Thanks again everyone.


End file.
